Hotel reviews for Club Oceano

Just back from the Club Oceano.

Furniture being moved next door or maybe it?s above or maybe it?s from below vibrates unbelievably loudly; the Spanish really have perfected this dreadful acoustic effect, so expect to be woken by a dawn chorus of scrapping chairs, but at least you won?t be wasting your holiday sleeping in. Another rather unpleasant design fault is that the loo has no window or extractor fan, so unless you?re a lone traveller take matches. On the plus side there?s a LCD TV with English channels which I?m sure would be great if it worked, unfortunately ours didn?t.

Together with the matches take cash, lots of it if you intend to stay around the pool as you can?t charge anything to your room. I was told this was because the guests arrive and leave on different days; yes I?m still scratching my head over that one. To compound this inconvenience the bar doesn?t take plastic, hence the need for cash. Apart from taxis and the sun bed man on the beach everywhere takes plastic and we found having to make sure we had enough cash for the apartments a real pain.

The pool was warm with adequate sun beds. The food surprisingly good during the day and the staff friendly, but we couldn?t eat there of an evening, because there isn?t a non smoking section. During the day we ate outside, but this time of the year it gets a bit nippy at night and bizarrely instead of popping outside for a ****, you have to pop outside to eat, you can of course choose to choke to death instead. On the last night of our stay dinning alfresco wasn?t even an option as the bar was closed for a staff party, no I?m not joking.

The beaches are good and the sun shone while we were there, but apart from sand Puerto Del Carmen has little to offer. Entertainment is almost non-existent. What passes for entertainment is a working TV. There are no decent restaurants within walking distance or a taxi ride for that matter and it?s impossible to walk along the front without being accosted by ?restaurant ? owners, and there?s an air of desperation about them that?s embarrassing. It?s downmarket, not in a club 18 /30?s or stag party way, but in a threadbare past it way. A bit like Margate with sunshine.

Importantly for you shopperholics there are no decent shops, even in Arrecife, which is a truly awful and dirty place. Just imagine the worst rundown graffiti covered shopping centre you?ve ever been to then double it. It is a truly, truly awful place.

If the weather is nice and if you just want to sunbathe than Lanzarote is fine, but don?t go expecting to shop and enjoy good food and entertainment, and avoid the Oceano club if like us you dislike eating in smog and prefer to wake when you want, not when your neighbour does or if you find settling the bill when you leave easier than carrying cash in your swimming trunks, and the least said about the loo, the better. We can only assume, the repeat guests referred to in the blurb have no sense of smell and are deaf chain smokers with an aversion to bank accounts and credit cards.

I did read on one review site the owners stating that had the guest raised the complaints whilst they were still there then they would have put everything right. Well I did and they didn?t. Accepting plastic was too expensive, charging food and drink to our room was too complicated and mending the TV was beyond them.
We did move room once but noise was no better because the building has no soundproofing and would need rebuilding to cure the problem. Regarding the smog I was told the guests preferred it, of course they do and it hasn?t anything to do with the staff who all smoke in the bar, yeah right.